Wednesday, June 5, 2013

THE BI-RACIAL BLUES: WHO AM I?

Hello, World.

 I have been traveling across the country, looking at America. And America has been looking at me.

On book tour for  my novel, THE SPY LOVER, I read to Mexican and Latino audiences in California and Florida,  articulate book lovers who, in spite of my half-Hawaiian heritage, posed questions to me as if I were a pure-blood white woman, perhaps because my skin was not brown enough for them. Conversely, I've been amongst white Texans, Georgians, and Alabamans (my white father's home state), some of whom I felt regarded me as not-quite authentic American, perhaps because my skin was not pale enough.  

 Alone  in motel rooms, I stared into mirrors asking the old, worn-out question I have asked all my life: "WHO AM I?" That is, where do I belong in society? To what group do I owe my allegiance? With my white heritage? Or with my brown-skinned heritage? And why does it have to be either, or? This is a  song all multi-cultural, bi-racial, half-breed, mulatto, mixed-bloods have been singing all our lives: Who am I?

We don't belong in any one group, and thus are forced to 'blend,' to resort like chameleons to 'cryptic coloration.' That is, to consciously slip into the cadences and vernacular and dress-codes of each group we encounter, to adapt ourselves to each environment, each situation, each racial and cultural gathering in order to be accepted, to belong. (A friend calls it 'working both sides of the street.')  This is not an intelligent way to live because one rarely feels authentic, even to one's self.

At home in Hawaii, I am often thought of as too 'haolefied' that is, too white, too mainland America.  But in New York City I'm considered an islander (replete with shark fin tattooes circling my ankles),  the token 'exotic' of which there is one in every hip NewYork gathering. This confusion has often resulted in a shizophrenic self-image while I juggle two totally different personas: the island girl and the city girl, neither of whom really fits in.

Oh, I grow weary!  My hyphenated friends grow weary - all my Asian-American, African-American, Native-American, East Indian-American friends with a mother from one race, a father from another.  We are tired of adapting, tired of the subterfuge, the cryptic coloration. We long to be ourselves. Maybe we should take lessons from the youngsters: multi-colored, multi-tongued hip-hoppers who are beating the 'established' English language into submission. Perhaps this is their urgent dispatch to the world,  that the mixed blood coursing through our veins is precisely Who We Are: Hybrids of the Future. And the future is here. It's now.

 In one of his  brilliant novels, John Le Carre wrote that "Everything must wear a disguise in order to be real." Except when it applies to  undercover agents,  this strikes me as oxymoronic. The only thing real is the skin that covers us, and the deeper truths summoned from our soul.

 So, the next time someone stares at my kinky hair, my tattooed ankles and tan complexion, and asks me what I am, what my 'background' is,  I have resolved to gaze at them with an unblinking fixity and respond that I am simply - unapologetically - me.

There will be more  to come on this  complex subject.  I welcome your comments.

Thanks and alohas, its good to be back!   Kiana



  

10 comments:

  1. Kiana: I have known you for a very long time and I just remember thinking when I first noticed you--in that suede skirt in the office on a very very hot day--that you were undoubtedly one of the coolest, most glamorous women I might get to know--and also crazy to have on a suede skirt when it was 90 degrees outside. I have never thought of you as anything but authentically YOU, hanging out with a blonde, medium-height Polack from Detroit.

    You will always be my "best woman."

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  2. My brilliant, beautiful friend, Lorraine. I remember it took me the longest time to tell you I was part Hawaiian. And I believe it took you a while to tell me you were of Polish heritage. (I thought you were a Brahmin WASP!) Such were the days when we strived so hard to be mainstream New Yorkers. Now we are who we are...and its a relief, its fabulous!

    You will always be most cherished of my cherished friends! Soldier on, Lo. Lets get that manuscript published ASAP!

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  3. That is a beautiful post, Kiana, and it speaks to many of us. Even though I am "all white" I have two bi-racial nieces and I care about these issues for their sake. I wonder if you have seen all the uproar over the new Cheerios commercial with the bi-racial family? It's good to hear your clear and vibrant voice again.

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    1. Hi Kathleen...thanks so much for your input! I know from some of your wonderful stories and novels that you are sensitive to these issues I want to hear more about your bi-racial nieces. And thanx for the tip on the Cheerios commercial! Email enroute to you! Kiana

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  4. A real problem in our society. Even among "ethnic groups" the degree of color becomes a measurement of ones person, ones worth or degree of coolness. Among African Americans I hear "too yellow, too black". Asians now see plastic surgeons to straighten their eyes. To me this just buys in to the sin of stereotyping. We all are individuals and should wear that 'color' proudly. I want to know what "color" a persons soul; a persons heart is. What there mind is all about. Anyone not more interested in those thing above some judgment of your worth based on appearance is really not someone who is qualified to valuate other people.

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    1. DEar Robert, thanx for your wise observations! I totally agree! I also find a lot of people, even whites, are stereotyped by their language, their diction, or where they are from. To say someone speaks "island Pidgin' or has a "Brooklyn accent" conjures up a whole smorgasbord of stereotypical characteristics. I dislike the word 'ethnic' and the word 'race.' And a thousand other such words. "Bi-racial, multicultural." These are outmoded words that ghettoize. (Who in this rapidly shrinking world is pure-blooded? And what does 'pure' mean?) Food for thought for further postings. Thanks again, and be well, you warrior! I am following your progress. Kiana

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  5. Ah yes, the age-old "mulatto melodrama" or "living in the cultural transit lounge". My parents always told me I had the best of both worlds (Cook Islands Maori and kiwi pakeha) and I believed them until I was about 35, when I realized I didn't actually fit into either world. What makes it bearable is sharing this liminal space with brilliant friends like you, dear Kiana. Mahalo for this mana'o. IMUA!

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    1. Karin tita! I knew you would immediately get it! As mixed blood Polynesian women, and artists, I feel we are in the forefront of a global movement to one day abolish all stereotypical references. I mean, who in this shrinking world is 'pureblood' and what does the word 'pure' really mean??? Meanwhile, mahalo ke akua...thank the gods...for our unique place in the world as Polynesians.
      Press on with your fabulous Pacific film projects! Each one enlightens the world a little more to our extraordinary Oceanic continent and the various cultures that enrich it. IMUA, my beautiful Karin! Tita Kiana

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  6. Thank you, Kiana. I also think this article can apply to anyone, including those who are disabled, transgendered, etc, who doesn't fit the societal "norms" that we are bombarded with every day via media. We all need to challenge ourselves to stop putting people into nice, little boxes (which are so boring anyway!) ~ Kelly

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    1. Dear c4ad8....I totally agree, and constantly encourage students and peers to write about the disabled, the cross-gendered, the transgendered, the 'invisibles' born with congenital challenges, the PTSD soldiers coming home from Iraq and Afghanistan. All the people ignored by our media, our entertainment moguls, publishing, film, theatre.

      For this reason I have undertaken to write about a dear friend. He is the hero of my new novel in progress. Andrei is albino, (a politically incorrect word.) He constantly corrects me. The preferred term is 'suffers from albinism.' Apart from his pale skin, he is a 'normal' human being. Witty and hilarious. And by the by, who in this world is 'normal.' We are all unique in one way or another. And what does 'normal' mean??? Another outmoded word that ghettoizes each of us. We are here in this life to embrace our differences, not to apologize! Old Chinese proverb: "PHOENIX RISES FROM ASHES BECAUSE IT DARES." Alohas, Kiana

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